Midnight Madness

Where to begin? Let's start with, I'm ok.

     Last night around 9:00pm I started having problems breathing again. I took my inhaler and after an hour it still wasn't working. I took a hot shower hoping the steam would help loosen my air ways. It was what I remembered an asthma attack being like, I could feel the rattling and it felt like something heavy was on my chest. After my shower I still couldn't breathe so Alex took me to the ER for a breathing treatment. After taking my vitals they quickly got me in a bed. They got me hooked up and I sat and waited for the medicine to take affect. About ten minutes in I lifted my arms to move my blankets (I was severely cold) and my thumbs were numb, it hurt to try to open my hands. I told the doctor after my treatment that I was breathing better but there was still pressure on my chest and my thumbs were numb. She ordered and EKG, x-rays, and blood work to test for blood clots. After the EKG and the x-ray I was back in my room. Asthma medicine makes you shaky and I was really cold, but my face was burning up. I couldn't stop shivering and it was hurting my back from shaking so much. I started feeling nauseous and I asked to got to the bathroom, needless to say, you aren't allowed to get out of bed if you're dizzy. The nurses were come and go, not that often either. Alex kept cold paper towels on me to try to keep me from passing out. Finally a nurse came and gave me a heated blanket, wet wash cloth and told me to smell an alcohol pad. Promptly she left again. Eventually I started getting better ( I believe purely with the help of Alex). The nurse came in and checked me out and told me to wait for a wheel chair. The doctor came in to explain the EKG was great, the blood clot test was negative, and she felt safe discharging me because there was not immediate threat. She said rest would help and I would sleep better at home. She said that it started as an asthma attack, but due to stress and anxiety of not being able to breathe she thinks it turned into a panic attack. She didn't want to diagnose me with anything but wants me to follow up with my doctor within 3 days. We left the hospital and finally got home around 2:30 in the morning. When we got back I was trying to think of reasons I would have a panic attack. I wasn't exactly thinking of anything in particular before it happened. I started talking to Alex about worries with college and my health and not too long after I starting getting hot again. Alex got wet paper towels again and knowing it was a possible panic attack I got a paper bag to breathe into. This seemed to help. If nothing else concentrating on the rhythm of the bad going in and out helped me control my breathing. I have no idea when I eventually got to sleep. Poor Alex was up most the night and when he finally slept it was on the floor because he didn't want to leave me. He is one amazing person!
      Needless to say, I am ok. I feel so stupid for it being something as simple as worry. Thinking about it, I should be able to calm myself down and work through these problems, but I just get sick thinking about it, I can't control it. Alex and I are going to work on a plan. A plan to stay healthy and stay in college. This I think will just take time and effort. It was one long night and it will be quite a journey to find answers to make me better. I will get through this, I will find the answers, and I will not let these things, or my illness run my life. Thanks for reading and your support.