Tips for the healthy

Callie is sick today. She's been really nauseous for a while now. It really sucks, and it makes me sad. :( But, she has asked me (Alex) to post today, so I will!

I want to talk about what I've learned from being a boyfriend (and now fiance) to someone with Fibromyalgia. There are a few things I think everyone who knows someone with an illness--Lupus, Fibro, MS, etc-- should know.

1. COMMUNICATE! Know what that person's main symptoms are and what THEY think causes them. (Weather, stress, food) Ask each day how they're feeling and what's bothering them physically and emotionally. They need someone to listen and believe them.

2. KNOW! I am the first person to say not to go reading depressing articles about illnesses because it's not helpful. I have recently changed my mind about this (thanks to Callie :) ). You need to know as much about the illness as you can. This way you can effectively suggest possible symptomatic treatment (ibuprofen, pepto-bismol, etc).

3. PAY ATTENTION! They may know they are about to have a flare of symptoms, but they also may not. Don't hover and obsess, but be sure to watch for changes in how fast they are moving around versus how much they have physically done recently.

4. LISTEN! and BELIEVE! I said this earlier, but they need someone to believe them. They've already had tons of doctors think they are making up symptoms or are just depressed. You need to be a friend and listen and believe them in their struggles.

5. HELP! When they ask for help with something simple, opening a jar of pickles or something, just do it. It may seem trivial and unnecessary, but we don't know what they are feeling. We really don't. Callie does an excellent job of attempting to describe the feeling of a chronic illness, but I know I can't grasp the concept very well. They need your help so they can live life to the fullest.

6. LAUGH! You need to be able to laugh in the face of adversity with them. They may be having a terrible day, but you need to find ways to take their mind off the pain and frustration. Watching a funny movie, reading givesmehope.com, watching television, coloring in coloring books. Find what works best to help them laugh and forget about the pain for a while.

7. ADVOCATE! I cannot stress this point enough. They may be doing things (like Callie and starting a support/advocacy group) to help themselves, but you need to be a voice, too. Talk to people about it (not necessarily obsessively) so others will know about it and talk to their friends. Eventually, more people who need help will find help.

I know I'm only speaking on my own experience. If you think I'm wrong/crazy or have some tips of your own, I would love to hear what you have to say. Thank you!

Believe in a Cure
-Alex